Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
