I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
