Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize