The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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