a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
