I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
