My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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