Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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