Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
