Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
bring money and cleavage
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
