I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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