Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
