peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This is the high leading the old right now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
