I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
