There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
