North Korea, Best Korea!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
