nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
