so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
