dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
