whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize