Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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