fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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