I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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