Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My cat gives me a boner
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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