Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
