I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
