Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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