Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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