***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
