Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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