batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
