i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
