census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Randomize
