Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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