Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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