Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
