Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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