I'm drive I can fine osifer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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