dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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