perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
