Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
