$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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