Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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