I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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