She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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