I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
