If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
