Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
