saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
