Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dicks are not precious.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
