you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize