there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
