I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize