wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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