You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
