Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
