So drunk its hurt
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
