Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
