May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
