Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize