2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
