i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
