I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
