tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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