she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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